A GENTLE INVITATION TO TEND TO WHAT HURTS
If you sense that you may be carrying unhealed grief, this message is for you.
If you sense that you may be carrying unhealed grief, this message is for you.
Honor matters deeply. It’s foundational. And honestly, it’s something we’re quietly losing in today’s world. I could talk about lawlessness increasing or “end times,” but that’s not my heart here.
My heart is this: how do we honor grief so we don’t end up carrying unprocessed pain for decades?
I often grow concerned when I see people return to work immediately after a devastating loss, or pastors stepping right back into the pulpit. Many are still in shock. And when you’re in shock, decisions are made through a fog… sometimes very big decisions.
When Grief Is Rushed, Pain Gets Buried
I’ve walked with the Lord for many years. I have strong faith.
And yet, when I lost my oldest son, I made a conscious choice to honor the grieving process.
How Long Does Healing Take?
As long as it takes.
Grief is not a lack of faith.
Grief is love with nowhere to go.
Even Jesus wept. The shortest verse in Scripture carries a powerful message.
When societies, workplaces, or churches expect people to “bounce back” too quickly, real problems can develop. Someone may appear functional on the outside, but cognitively and emotionally, something is off, and often they don’t realize until mistakes happen, tempers flare, or relationships begin to fracture.
Unhealed grief doesn’t disappear.
It festers.
SIX WAYS TO HONOR GRIEF:
Not rules – just loving invitations to help along the way.
Grief doesn’t go away when we ignore it.
It simply becomes heavier… and sneakier.
Honoring grief keeps it from turning into something we carry everywhere, like invisible weights.
1. Let Grief Be What It Is
Grief isn’t linear. Yes, there may be stages, but in real life it comes in waves.
Some days you feel steady.
Other days you’re undone for no clear reason.
That is normal grief.
Honoring grief begins when we release the expectation that we should be “over it.”
2. Give Grief a Safe Container
Pain grows heavier when it has nowhere to go.
Your container might look like:
- Journaling – a place for your feelings to land
- One trusted person – someone who won’t rush you
- Crying on purpose – yes, tears matter; they wash pain away
- Art, music, movement, exercise, or prayer
This isn’t indulging grief.
It’s processing grief.
3. Name What Was Lost
Often, we grieve more than the obvious.
We may be grieving:
- A future we expected
- A sense of safety or identity
- The “before” version of ourselves
Life will not be the same, and that matters.
Naming the loss gives pain shape.
And once pain has shape, it becomes lighter to carry.
4. Allow Mixed Emotions
You may feel:
- Sad and relieved
- Angry and loving
- Grateful and resentful
Let those emotions coexist.
It’s okay not to be okay for a season.
5. Care for Your Body (It’s Grieving Too)
Grief lives in the body, and we don’t want it trapped there.
- Respect changes in sleep – it does improve
- Notice appetite shifts and manage what you can
- Pay attention to fatigue, aches, or tightness in your chest
Be gentle with yourself.
Walk. Rest. Talk with friends.
Don’t ignore these changes; your body is asking for help to heal. Small acts can help prevent grief from turning into chronic stress stored in the body.
6. Know When You Need Help Carrying Grief
If grief feels frozen, overwhelming, or like it’s shrinking your life, that’s not failure, it’s a signal.
Counseling and grief support groups are gifts. They helped me immensely.
There are no bonus points for grieving alone.
Honoring Those Who Have Gone Before Us
When I wrote Austin’s Cabin, I never intended to portray my oldest son as a saint. He wasn’t, and he would laugh at that idea. He made good choices and not-so-good ones, just like all of us.
But I wanted to honor his life because I loved him deeply and unconditionally.
After all, someday, we will all become a story.
I also wanted to honor the Lord, who healed my broken heart.
And I wanted to honor you, by helping with the grieving process.
As an author, I try to meet real needs, and I could clearly see how much help is needed around grief. I’m humbled and amazed by the response to Austin’s Cabin. We’ve received hundreds of responses and, and my prayer is that the book brings healing to many hearts.
I hope to see it in hospice settings, churches, and even workplaces. Recently, a friend shared that they believe the book could bring healing to veterans carrying long-buried grief. What an honor that would be.
You Don’t Need to Hide Your Grief
I feel no need to hide my grief. In fact, it concerns me when people feel pressured, by others or by themselves, to return to “normal.”
Life isn’t normal.
There will always be a line of demarcation: before and after.
Pressure isn’t necessary, friends.
Set healthy boundaries, and keep them.
Go home.
Sit with your feelings.
Make space to grieve.
As I often say, choice is powerful.
We can choose to dwell only on the tragedy, the illness, the mistakes, the devastating loss…
or we can also choose to remember the love, the laughter, the meaningful moments that we wouldn’t trade for anything.
When Grief Becomes Integrated
I am deeply grateful the Lord brought me through the grieving process, not over it, not around it, but through it.
And now, I have the privilege of helping others walk that same path.
Eventually, when we’re ready, we learn that grief doesn’t disappear, it integrates.
We learn that grief and joy can coexist.
Healthy grief doesn’t erase pain.
It transforms it.
The pain becomes:
- Less sharp
- Less constant
- Less defining
We never stop loving those we’ve lost, or the precious things we’ve lost.
But we can stop the bleeding.
Remember this:
Grief is not a lack of faith. It’s just love with nowhere to go.
You are not broken, friend.
You are grieving. . . because you loved.
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Austin’s Cabin @ Amazon